Just Justy Justice- Part II
Movies like “The Great Indian Kitchen” have brought light to topics like taboos on menstruation, benevolent sexism, marital rape, and routine domestic tortures that are usually normalized in our society. At the same time, we have soaps in our televisions glorifying the tortures as a womanly duty every woman has to undertake after her certain age or marriage. According to you, how does such a massive media have to change their viewpoint?
This is one of the movies which I got so excited and thrilled about its release. The film itself is a strong political statement and it’s not at all easy to present controversial subjects to portray in a movie especially in the Malayalam film industry. The effort and bravery of the whole crew of the film are appreciable. And here comes the difference between “The Great Indian Kitchen” and the tele shows. I feel pathetic about the television serials that only intend to glorify sexism and patriarchy. If you cast me in a tele serial the apt role will be the negative woman character for sure. Because the television shows have depicted the contemporary world as hell to the audience. They are actually running back to the ancient period.
The influence of visual media on the public is large. Especially in this lockdown period people spend their time watching television and other kinds of entertainment. In such situations, the content of these programs can dismay the thinking process of the audience. The serial culture in our state is pathetic, they focus on disturbed relationships, sexism, inequality, glorification of toxic relationships and other major discriminations as a normal thing. We have seen films depicting the dowry system, and marital rape as normal stuff with a disclaimer it had no connection with whose alive or not. But in fact, this kind of content can create real life situations in future.
It’s high time the television industry should rethink about the toxicity they are propagating. I appreciate the modern movies that try to create a change and start healthy discussions. Actually, the film industry changed a lot when compared to the outmoded period but the serials and comedy shows are continuing to be pitiful. Comedy shows emphasize racism, sexism, and body shaming. Maybe we have enjoyed them previously but now the mindset has changed.
It’s high time that parents have to change their way of raising their kids. Boys are brought up as dysfunctional adults, whom the parents expect to change when a perfect woman arrives into his life. Even girls are brought up as an object who has to be perfect in every manner regardless of her aspirations and dreams. What is your piece of advice to such parents?
In the forthcoming society, parents have a greater role to bring about a change in society. They can educate kids about the wrong system and conditionally wrongful rights. Parents can make them aware of gender inequality, and every other taboo that still exists. Every change should start from our home. What we already witness is that society prescribes different skillsets and various rules to distinct genders. That need to be corrected.
The past generation is already conditioned with this. And their thoughts definitely was a reason for the implantation of patriarchy in our society even today. Let our children be taught to think differently, towards what’s right. Basic survival skills are necessary for every human being, so there is no point in dividing them according to gender. If we can raise a new generation to equality that would be a great achievement. Girls always hear that you are supposed to get married so you should know several things. But no one addresses that a man is supposed to bring a woman to their home and be prepared for that. It is difficult to implement this change. But still, we can do that. It’s not a big deal.
Staying in a toxic relationship is much appreciated than a divorce saying it is better to stay than a divorce for your kids. What is that way we can convince someone (mostly our elder generations) that divorce is as normal as marriage?
Toxic relationships are something that worries me a lot these days especially among teenagers and youth. Most of the youngsters glorify toxicity misunderstanding what love is. It is a minority that believes in itself as an independent entity. Coming out of a toxic relationship is considered too bad and has crazy names in different areas. When a person decides to come out of a toxic relationship he/she suffers a lot. We can see acid attacks and murders as the consequence of it.
This generation is supposed to move towards change. But surprisingly the majority of them are busy steering behind. When a woman of this generation is married, she understands that suffering is her responsibility. Taking care of parents, cooking, earning, cleaning, etc should be done or shared with equal responsibility. Our society is adamant that a man should earn for his family. He cannot pursue his dreams because of this pressure. Men are not supposed to cry. Patriarchy not only affects women, but it also affects men equally.
What I wanted to say is that when you bring up a child, teach them to identify and respect their personal space. Teach them to treat themselves with self-respect. Even in the employer and employee relationship we see dominance likewise toxicity is there among us in different levels.
Recently we have seen many dowry deaths. When such a case happens people will mourn for that death. But at the same time, if we see a divorcee, people will blame her for being against society’s standards. That kind of double-faced people is increasing. I think we should celebrate divorce just as we celebrate marriage. Coming out of an uncomfortable space has so much relevance. Even consensual divorces are not accepted here. When a couple decides to divorce and remain as friends our society finds it foolish. It is unfortunate.
The solution to this problem is to talk. What a girl or boy usually hears is that you should adjust otherwise it will our family reputation. Such pieces of advice are outdated and overrated.
Finally, if you are in a toxic relationship, try to speak with the person and make him or her aware that you are a person and say that you need to be respected. It is better than stopping the whole relationship one day in case it’s curable. But if you can’t convince the person, then definitely end the relationship and move forward.
Providing financial stability for a daughter before marriage is still not considered by many. Instead, parents spend a fortune in the name of dowry, suggesting that it is better for their daughter’s safety. Why cannot we witness a change in this attitude even after so many crimes we see every day regarding dowry?
From my personal life after the age of 18, I tried to take up my financial responses. I was supported by my parents. I was a certified fitness trainer. In foreign countries, they are financially stable from a younger age. But in our country children are expected to be financially dependent on someone. That is something that needs to be changed.
The concept of savings is directly linked to dowry here. In movies like “Vijay Superum Pournamiyum,’’ the female character asks her father to give her some money from his savings for her marriage to start a business. It is a substantial political statement. Regardless of your gender, one should be financially stable. Depending on someone for our financial needs means we will have to face several barriers. Such independence is extremely necessary before your marriage.
My opinion on this is that you should be stable enough to take care of your kids too. Or else you will face difficulties later. A girl will be safe if she is married to someone by providing enough money and properties as dowry. That is what parents think. Amazingly, many men marry simply to make themselves financially stable. They marry just because they can achieve something after marriage which they were not able to do by themselves so far.
I am personally against luxurious marriage. But that is up to the person and his interest. It is somebody else’s personal choice. I am determined that I will not impose any kind of unwanted expenses or wear any gold to please others during my marriage. It is difficult to convey and convince our parents. It is not because I preach this but I wanted myself to be an example. Marriage is a union that we celebrate. But our society has changed it a lot. We should come out of this, for that we should try to create awareness and make ourselves an example. Why should we wait for one more suicide to make changes? Dowry is a crime. It is similar to trading a slave.
In conclusion, what do you want to pass as a message to society, to the men, to the women, and to people from all generations and age categories in general?
Respect others irrespective of their age, gender, social status, job, etc. Let it be a child. Respect them as he or she is. Don’t consider that you have the authority over a person because you are in a relationship or you are elder than that person. Respect leads to more openness in relations.
Instead of revolting, we can begin by talking. Let it be inequality, religious aspects, dowry, menstruation, or anything. Remember that we are talking about this to someone who lived in a patriarchal society who believed the same for so many years. That is what I do. I do speak to my parents and brother about sexism, racism, or anything that we find difficult to think in the same way. Peace of mind is what we live for. So it’s important to give importance to our mental health.
Be confident enough to be the rule-breaker when there is a need. I broke many and now I’m liberated to speak anything. Self-love is the best thing you can gift yourself. No one else can do that for you. At the end of the day it’s you are alone. Make sure that alone space is a happy place. We should love ourselves, then we can achieve a lot. This is what I have learned and valued in my life. Above all, be grateful for what you have now, at this very moment.
In conclusion from Expressions and Opinions, I would like to thank Justy for her brave and genuine answers. As Justy said, let’s start raising our voice against every inequality, racism, crime, abuse, sexism, and anything and everything a person may experience because they live according to an outdated patriarchal system. Let’s hope for a change, a change that can lead to a better tomorrow.